WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
