tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
