i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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