my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
