At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
