apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
