If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
