Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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