I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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