Pappa wants mamma naked
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
