bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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