is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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