Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
