Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
