I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
