Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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