at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
