Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
