There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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