My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
