I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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