Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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