12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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