New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot