I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
