it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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