I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
