She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
