Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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