I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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