She's JV to your varsity
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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