Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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