I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
