He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
