just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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