you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
