I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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