I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My life is pants optional.
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