It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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