Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
