She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
