just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's Friday. Sex?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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