Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
