My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
