im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
