let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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