i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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