I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
