i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just pee around me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
