i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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