WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
