cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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