I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
