This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
