i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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