u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
