thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
