my shit smells like andre
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
