Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
do nipples grow back?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
