Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
