that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
