Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
