Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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