his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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