Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
