WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
