NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
