I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
