i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Come share oat with me in your robe
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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