Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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