peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
