You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
