I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i've created a new STD.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
