Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
