i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drunk is not a location!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
