Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
