I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
a search helicopter?!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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