Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
