Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
