um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
