I want to have your abortion
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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